I've been at university for nearly three weeks now, and my room is finally starting to smell a bit (you were right Mum, you can't recycle cereal milk into chedder). I removed the bowl of soggy Weetabix but it wouldn't leave, so we had to go to Asda's.
What was supposed to be a ten-minute round trip ended up being a three hour spend-a-thon. This consisted of a cycle of insisting on saving money not buying luxuries and then spotting Captain-Rocket lollies on special offer (three for a pound!). I finally spotted the spray stuff with that advert with the kid needing "a poo at Paul's", but it was too expensive. I also thought insisting on taking your trousers down "only at Paul's house" was a little rapey. The product is called "Touch and Fresh". Touch and Fresh? Er, back on the register.
The little glass ones that don't spray randomly and make me jump were a lot cheaper. I picked up the lavender and chamomile one to take a look, but was then blitzkrieged by my housemate because lavender and chamomile is "a fucking annoying smell that would put me in a bad mood". Funny that, I never knew smells induced periods? We went for Morning Mist, with a fiver riding on it smelling better than the other one. We didn't think how we'd know which smelt better, but we weren't going to start smelling plastic packaging in the middle of Asda's to find out. We see fit lesbians in that place all the time. We didn't want to cramp our style.
The smell in my room since replacing the penicillin-farms with air-fresheners has actually improved. Having my housemate stroll in my room without knocking, sniff, smile and then leave again as if he'd never been there wasn't pleasant. Him doing that when I'm standing on one leg putting my pants on is even worse. Knock next time. In all fairness though, it does smell damn good in here since Madame Mist arrived - thanks Glade. You're better than Johnson's, "a family company". Fucking queers.
P.S. Here is the video of the Touch and Fresh. You can decide for yourself if Paul is a maggot-fondler or not...:
P.P.S. ^^ Sorry about that. Apparently Paul can violate videos too! Here's the clever one that told her mummy what he was doing:
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